god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
