dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
