How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
