Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Even my vagina gasped.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
