I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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