it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So much Jack, so little girl.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
