FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
