you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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