Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
