did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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