So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
