i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
