I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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