i may or may not be watching the land before time
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
