I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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