I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
