Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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