What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
