I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
