hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
