Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
