Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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