can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
