I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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