So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
