goodnight i made you a song goodbye
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
