I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
