I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
