She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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