i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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