It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
