i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
