if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
