is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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