i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
