member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize