I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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