we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
