Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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