My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
