he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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