I'm really into asian looking animals
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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