I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
