Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
