His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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