insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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