Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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