I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
