so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
