ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
