I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
