In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
