I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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