You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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