He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
