Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
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He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
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So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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