one two three fourrrrnication!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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