He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
